Scars Remind Us
by Enula
Summary: 58. Both have scars. Both obtained these scars in their darkest moments. Can two wrongs really make a right? GojyoHakkai


**Scars Remind Us**

"Oh, you're so good at this!"

"You have a real talent there."

"I bet you've been doing this for awhile, right?"

"How about we go another round?"

I grinned at all the compliments, running a hand back through my messy hair. The hardwood table in front of me was covered with cards and money. On the other side of the table was a man that looked mondo frustrated due to all his losses, and surrounding me were many members of the opposite sex wearing hardly nothing. In my pocket was a full pack of Hi-Lites and one delicious cigarette rested in my lips.

All in all, it was like old times, and it felt great. If it wasn't for the slight change of scenery in the bar, I could swear I was back home.

My mind was on a high buzz from the amount of alcohol I consumed and my fatigue that had been with me for the past four days. We'd been traveling nonstop in the middle of nowhere, not seeing a single trace of civilization, human or youkai.

It was such a relief when Sanzo said we could stop for the night at the inn we came across. Everyone was getting irritable and getting on each others nerves more than usual.

Even Hakkai was feeling the lack of sleep, I could tell. His eyes weren't as clear as usual. Priesty was threatening everyone with his gun even if all was quiet, and both of us were puffing smoke like crazy. The only one that was actually able to get a full nights sleep was the saru…the little bastard.

Of course, however, when we reached the inn, we would find out that there was a limited amount of rooms. There were three; two with double beds and one with a single. To me, and Hakkai and Goku for that matter, it seemed ridiculous to get all three rooms when only two were necessary. Sanzo couldn't see it that way. He just had to have his own room.

Goku looked more than a little disappointed over this, but still, he directly turned his gaze to Hakkai and me, "I don't wanna sleep in a room by myself. I'll get bored."

"Don't look at me," I said, raising an eyebrow at how stupid it sounded to not want his own room, "I'll be down at the bar for awhile, so you won't see me anyway."

The saru didn't look that upset, quickly turning to Hakkai. However, before he could make any suggestions, I stuffed my boot in his face, "Forget it. Just because you may not be exhausted, doesn't mean Hakkai's not. We don't need you botherin' him all night."

"But that leaves no one!" he shouted, clenching his fists and teeth.

I inhaled smoke before I blew it out in his face, "You figure that out on your own?"

"Why you--!"

"Maa, maa!" Hakkai interjected, flashing a smile and holding his hands up, "There's no need to argue over something so trivial. If Goku wants to share a room with me, by all means…"

Smirking at Hakkai's generosity, I still had a gut feeling that he really did want a goodnights rest, "Well that's just too bad, because I don't want to be by myself either. And Hakkai would rather room with me."

I snickered when the saru's mouth dropped, "That's not fair! I asked first! Besides, why don't you go grab some girls like you're always talkin' about and room with them!"

My right eye twitched…twice. Did he actually just say that? The weird thing was, it was true…I was always talking about how someday I would get my own room again and invite a random girl to me bed. Maybe it was my weariness (it seems the easiest thing to blame), but I didn't feel in the mood tonight. Go figure.

"Why don't you go get Sanzo's credit card and spend your night in the restaurant?"

Instantly, his scowl disappeared, replaced by a look of pure enjoyment, "They have a restaurant here? Sanzoooooo!"

Running down the hall already, Hakkai and I watched Goku run as fast as he could to find Sanzo's room. I grinned, "Problem solved."

"Eh heh…you do realize that if Sanzo finds out you provoked Goku, he's going to shoot a hold through your head." Hakkai said it so pleasantly, the thought of getting shot up didn't bother me too much.

"Whatever. He's gotta find me first." I held out my duffle bag to Hakkai, the strap slipping through my fingers right before he grabbed it so it wouldn't fall to the ground, "I'll find the room later. I'm gonna check out the bar."

Hakkai was now holding both our bags, "Aren't you tired, too?"

I lowered my eyes to my cigarette, realizing that it was burnt down to the butt. Taking it between my fingers, I looked around for some sort of ash tray. I didn't spot any and, not wanting to hold the useless drug now, I dropped it to the floor before bringing out another and lighting it.

"Was that necessary, Gojyo?"

I nodded, "It'll allow the housekeepers to do their job."

He shook his head, "You still haven't answered my previous question."

I shrugged, "It's gotten to the point where I'm so tired, it'll be impossible to sleep. I'm gonna get some good stuff that'll help."

"All right," Hakkai relented, beginning to walk down the hall that held all three bedrooms, "Don't stay up too late, though. This may be your only chance in awhile to get a good sleep, and most likely, Sanzo will be waking us up early."

"Hai, hai…" I stuck a hand in my pocket, my fingers playing around with the cigarette case.

He gave me another one of his smiles, his green eyes sparkling under the dim hall light, "If you're not back before I'm asleep, goodnight."

"Night," I respond before he continues on his way. I watch him for a few seconds before turning and letting my nose lead me to the booze. That felt like old times, too. What, with Hakkai telling me not to stay out too late if for some reason we had to get up early the next morning. He once told me, "Lack of sleep makes you gain weight." I didn't believe him, though. There had been plenty of times in my life where I didn't sleep for long periods of time, and never noticed any difference in my body.

So anyway, I reached the bar and it didn't take long for me to start gambling once I saw a couple guys playing. I easily earned a good amount of money pretty fast. Fortunately, these guys didn't like to lose and didn't want to stop until they won. More money for me.

"Let's triple it," the guy offered. Shrugging, I silently agreed.

I felt a pair of slender arms wrap around my neck. I looked to the side to see a gorgeous blonde, her lips dangerously close to my own with her fingers sliding down my chest, "How about you and me go find ourselves some privacy after this game?"

I grinned, but before I could answer, the lights flickered off and on and thunder boomed loudly from outside. The arms around me tightened. Across the room, I heard a guy yell about how hard it was coming down.

Glancing down at the table, I saw that my opponent was already handing out the cards. My eyes traveled over to the nearest window, although the rain made it impossible to see outside. The blonde nuzzled her face into my neck, "I _hate _thunderstorms." She mumbled.

I looked at the messy pile of cards in front of me, "Why?"

"Why?" She parroted, leaning to the side to see me better, her dyed hair cascading over her shoulder, "Hmm…they're just so noisy."

I met her gaze, "That's the only reason?"

She looked surprised for a moment, but a luscious smile quickly curved her lips, "That's all I can think of. But I'm sure…we could make more noise."

We stared at each other for a long moment, my lips slowing tugging up into an ironic smile, "I appreciate the offer, but I have something else I need to tend to." I stood up rather quickly, knocking the chair I had been sitting in over. The girl backed away, her blue eyes wide with surprise.

"Where you going, buddy? We just made a deal to triple the points! You can't back out now," my opponent yelled, gripping his cards until his knuckles turned white, "You'll have to put a forfeiting price down."

"What the hell is that?" I asked, knowing he was just trying to get some money back. I looked at the large pile I won and waved it off, taking a long puff, "Whatever. Take it all back if you want. I don't give a shit."

It was only half true, really. I did work hard for all that cash, but Sanzo's credit cards were always enough to get us through. So with the gods paying, why bring unneeded money? With that thought in mind, I turned, ready to leave the bar.

"Aw, what's wrong, Scarface?" the same guy mocked, his voice giving away his scowl, "You afraid you're gonna lose?"

"No, I'm just taking pity on you," I responded. He didn't like that too well, for the next thing I knew, he was jumping across the table at me. A few of the girls screamed, but all I had to do was push my foot back into the guys gut to make him back off.

Shaking my head on the way out, I left behind a gawking crowd, "Next time I call Goku an idiot, I'll think of all the bigger idiots in the world."

Compared to the volume in the bar, the rest of the inn was dead silent. I could even hear my feet as they took each step on the carpeted floor. Above me, I could hear the rain pounding roughly on the roof, lightening flashing outside of each window I passed.

I stuck my hands in my pockets, trying to remember what the room number was. I knew three numbers were mentioned for each room, and they were side by side. That was all. I sighed when the rain pounded harder every few seconds.

"Maybe Hakkai's asleep by now…" I mumbled to myself, openly hoping that it was true. It's weird, how the first thing I think of when it rains is Hakkai. I had been having the time of my life: Gambling, smoking, drinking, girls…but all that disappeared when the rain began to fall. Sad how I was beginning to hate the rain as much as Hakkai and Sanzo.

"Sanzo, lookit' this!" I heard Goku yell behind the door I was currently standing in front of.

"Urusai!" There was a deafening gunshot, and then silence. I smirked. So Sanzo couldn't get rid of Goku, huh? Good for him. He probably wouldn't be sleeping at the present moment anyhow.

Knowing the location of the rooms now, I decided to try the next one down to see if it was empty or held Hakkai. Turning the knob, I peeked into the room, first spotting our bags on the floor. Convinced it was the right one, I stepped inside and closed the door, squinting through the darkness. Without the hall light, it was impossible to see a foot in front of me. I felt around on the first bed I bumped into, only sitting on it when I knew it was empty. I didn't hear anything, so I figured Hakkai was asleep.

"Guess I came back for nothing," I whispered to myself, digging through my pocket to smoke one last cigarette before I laid down. Lightening flashed again, illuminating the whole room. A figure standing next to the window actually made me jump. No doubt it was Hakkai.

"I take that back…" I mumbled, throwing my cigarettes onto the nightstand. I stood and walked closer to him, squinting through the darkness, "Scared the shit outta me, Hakkai. You looked like a psychopathic stalker just standin' there like that."

Lightening flashed again, giving me a better look at him. His back was against the wall, but his head was turned to look out the window. His green eyes seemed to shine in the dark, reminding me of a cat's eyes. He didn't have that fake smile curving his lips, and that was what worried me. That, and the fact that he didn't seem to know I was standing in front of him.

"Hakkai?" No answer. Narrowing my eyes, I placed a hand on his shoulder. He didn't jump, instead he slowly turned his head to face me.

His smile finally came back, "Oh Gojyo, I didn't hear you come in."

Instead of responding, my eyes wandered down the front of him. I didn't know how I didn't notice it before, but when my hand came in contact with his bare shoulder, I realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. This wouldn't have been a big deal, but Hakkai rarely went without a shirt. It wasn't like him to show off his scar, even to himself.

Hakkai become aware of my gaze and modestly slid his right arm across his stomach to block the gash from my view, "Sorry you had to see it. It just got so stuffy in here, I--."

I cut him off, "Heh, ain't it funny? We both know the full history of how we got them, and yet we still decide to hide them."

He looked at me for a long moment. I could feel my whole body heating up under his intense stare, but I was too stubborn to look away. I finally couldn't help but grin, choosing the teasing route to break the awkwardness, "See something you like?"

"Hm?" He said, as though he heard nothing since the moment I came in the room. Before I could respond with a smart-ass remark, his left hand touched my cheek, his fingers trailing along both my scars.

"Do yours ever still hurt?" He asked, the expression on his face never changing.

My eyes, however, widened. My mouth gaped open as I tried to figure out just what the hell he was doing. In all the years I've lived with him, I don't think he ever once questioned about my scars aside from how it happened. And the more he slid his fingers across my face, the more twists and turns my stomach was making. It was weird, but the skin was so sensitive, it felt like he was actually touching inside of me.

"They do…" he answered for me, dropping his hand to his side again. Lightening struck again, the rain pounding even harder than before. Turning his eyes away from me, he looked back out the window.

"So predictable," I voiced harshly, slamming my palms against the wall on either side of his head. This actually brought some emotion to his eyes as I pretty much forced him to snap out of it. I leaned my head forward until my forehead rested against the back of my left hand. In this position, it was almost impossible for Hakkai to look outside.

"Gojyo…?"

My eyes closed halfway, "I'm goddamn tired and I know you are, too. So why the hell are you standin' over here and looking outside at all that shit?"

Silence filled the room, save all the noise coming from outside. Finally, he let out a sigh, his breath flowing straight into my ear. I tensed, feeling all the skin on my body tighten. It was only then I realized how close we actually were.

"The littlest things always remind us of the biggest tragedies," he quoted lowly, his voice still very close to my ear. I moaned and took a step closer to him. I tried to cover it up by pretending it was a groan of frustration.

"You talkin' 'bout the rain? Why should it always remind you of that? The first time we met was in the rain, shouldn't that make up for it?" It sounded more like a rhetorical question, but that didn't mean I didn't want an answer. I wouldn't say it aloud, but I came to like the rain ever since I met Hakkai. If it wasn't for me finding him, I still wouldn't have a best friend that knows more about me than anyone else ever could hope to.

He laughed lightly, "If it makes you feel any better, I do consider that as well. But it was a loss/gain situation, Gojyo…I can't have one without the other."

I closed my eyes in defeat. I have been trying to make him forget for many years now, but to no avail. I turned my head slightly when I felt him rest his forehead on my shoulder, "I apologize for not giving you the answer you wanted."

We paused for another moment, simply listening to the pounding rain and rolling thunder. Finally, I smiled and pulled away just enough to look at his eyes again, "No need for that. I waited this long, I'm sure I can wait longer."

Hakkai blinked twice, his head tilting to the side, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Chuckling ironically, I shook my head and backed away, "I'm tired."

"I take it that means you want to lie down?" he asked.

Nodding, I ran another hand through my hair, cringing at how sweaty it felt, "But only if you do, too."

"Of course," he responded, walking around me to his bed, lying down on his back with his arms till covering his stomach. Sighing, I slipped my shirt over my head and kicked off my boots and socks. Still, I had to admit that this night wasn't as bad as some of the others. Although Hakkai might not have noticed his progress, I could tell he was slowly but surely getting over his phobia.

Without thinking too hard on it, I walked over to his bed. I crawled to the wall near his feet, resting my back and head against the cool wall. I could feel his feet touching my thighs, his limbs twitching a bit.

"What are you doing?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbows to look down at me.

"Sitting here, what's it look like?" I pulled my outside leg up to my chest, dropping my hands in between my legs, "Don't you think I learned something after all these years? You definitely sleep better when someone else is close."

I glanced at him, our eyes locking. He smiled the same smile he always does, "Only you, Gojyo. Only you."

I smirked, catching the double meaning instantly, "Go to sleep."

Laughing, he laid back down, shifting lower so his feet could touch my leg again. I closed my eyes, my lids getting too heavy to keep open. The storm still rang outside, showing no signs of lessening any time soon. Either way, I sensed that Hakkai was relaxing, which allowed me to do the same.

Good thing Sanzo allowed us to stop for the night. It woulda sucked to have to sleep out in that storm.

* * *

Well, that's it: my first Saiyuki fanfic. Truthfully, it didn't turn out like I expected. I did want more of a deep friendship relationship to show, but I always wanted to throw in more romance. But as I was writing, it didn't seem to fit nicely into place. This was basically supposed to show how Hakkai still hated the rain, but he wasn't as bothered by it as before because Gojyo kinda knew how to snap him out of it.

I was thinking about making a second part to this, however. In Hakkai's POV perhaps. What do you think? If I get enough positive feedback, I promise I'll put some…"hotter" scenes in there. Sound good? I think it does.


End file.
